It's been a wobbly past few weeks and I use wobbly regarding my anxiety. I honestly didn't think I was gonna make it but by the Grace and Supernatural favour of God I AM HERE! :-)
Alot of things, situations and unresolved grief crashed and landed on me all at once! I found it extremely difficult to balance. :-(
As I'm writing this I remember why I love blogging...it's an outlet, a way for me to free my mind and release some of the ongoing murmurings I find difficult to shut off!
My previous therapist taught me a technique that I'd like to share with you all.
Some of you may know it, but for me personally...it's completely new as I had developed toxic coping mechanisms from traumatic experiences. At the time I was pretty sure my therapist hypnotized me because of the reaction I experienced.
I was in so much distress emotionally that when I spoke to my therapist, it was of so much comfort, in that moment his words felt like a hug.
He suggested to me that I could hold onto that feeling and access it anytime by remembering the moment and my surroundings and etc. Soo...I did that and got high on HUGS. YES! You read that right! I got high on hugs and I was like that for 2-3 days. I didn't sleep for 48 hrs. The worst part of it was my non stop hysterical laughing.
I didn't want to laugh, but this gastly horrific laugh kept coming out...it was slightly terrifying as I hadn't grieved.
I didn't know what was happening to me and I knew I was meant to be grieving but all I could do was laugh. I felt horrible but couldn't stop laughing. I felt so high and manic it's like I was floating. It felt like my grief was coming out as laughter.
I convinced my therapist had hypnotized me and no one believed me. I asked him and he said no, but I do believe he did something- something to help me cope with the amount of emotional distress I was under, because before speaking to him I felt like I was breaking...PHYSICALLY! Maybe he used a trigger word that I was unaware of..I'll never know? :-(
The good thing about this all is that the old ways I would normally conform to are no longer accessible. Its like they've been destroyed.
Normally I would drift off into my fantasy land which became a very dangerous place. It was safe there because no one could hurt me. It was all in my HEAD. I could go there anytime. It's all gone! DEAD! FINITO!
I know the Lord is doing a deep rooted healing from the inside out and I'm excited. :-)